Choices

One of the criticisms often levelled at bisexuals from some other groups within the LGBT+ community concerns choice. It’s the same argument often put forward by religious conservatives, among others. The argument goes that bisexuals can choose whether to be gay/lesbian or straight. Those critics within the LGBT+ community insist that we’re playing, or that we’re afraid to fully come out of the closet. Those on the other side of the fence think our very existence is proof that they were right all along, and that homosexuality is an avoidable “sin”.

“The only choice is between self-liberation and self-oppression.”

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“You’re  gay,” she said. “Just admit that you’re gay! I’d be happy. I’ve always wanted to have a gay best friend!”

The summer sun was drifting low in the sky, there was a smell of freshly cut grass, and she had a new boyfriend. Maybe that made her more enthusiastic than usual to define my sexuality. But it wasn’t the first time we’d had this conversation. My response was the same as it had always been.

“But I’m not gay,” I said. “If I was gay, I’d say so. I’m not homophobic, I wouldn’t be ashamed, I’d tell you if I was gay.”

What I didn’t say, what I could never say, was I’m straight.

“At the age of 35, it was like a light finally being switched on.”

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